Hacks, Exploits, Pauses and 20 Crypto Jokes

It was an eventful crypto-week. Seven golden crosses were seen shining among the top 10, including BTC, yet a surprising Bitcoin crash left the market bewildered, but still BTC may be at a pivotal point. Alibaba launched a blockchain-powered initiative amid coronavirus fears, Fcoin failed and has no money to pay back its users, IOTA came out with a remediation plan after the hack, Litecoin creator Charlie Lee called DeFi a “decentralized fiatre” after an attack on DeFi platform bZx, and DeFi lost USD 140 million in a few hours as bZx was attacked again. Deutsche Telekom, T-Mobile US, Telefónica, and Orange will pilot a blockchain-powered solution for automated roaming management, while the New York-based hedge fund upped its offer for creditor claims from the collapsed Mt. Gox.

As Telegram and the SEC met, and the judge promised the end of the case by April 30, G20 will once again discuss cryptos and CBDCs, Israeli attorney general defends crypto users in a case against banks, Russian central bank wants banks to flag crypto deals as ‘suspicious’, South Korean financial institutions have formulated crypto business plans they can’t go public with due to a lack of regulatory clarity, and Japanese police believe that the senior management of a food retailer sank millions of investors’ dollars into a shitcoin. Meanwhile, Binance encountered issues, pausing most trading services, and Content Protocol Token is set to close due to regulatory uncertainty and lack of business prospect. On the other hand, Coinbase became Visa principal member, and Japanese exchanges’ employees are working from home due to coronavirus. Finally, Norwegian is set to allow customers to pay for air tickets using cryptocurrency within the year, Brad Garlinghouse said Ripple is like Amazon in its early days, and we looked into how censored, controlled and surveilled BTC really is and into what these much-talked-about flash loans are.

Where the summary ends, the jokes begin.

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So, what’s our plan? Ah, excellent!

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Send the man some coins, he’s starving!

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When you’re very satisfied with yourself.

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“Almost had it!”

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Too soon?

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What? This too soon? Thought you wanted to know what a flash loan is.

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Finally! Somebody who’ll listen when you want to talk Bitcoin.

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Hodl the hodler.

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So close no matter how far… Actually, vice versa.

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The dangers of staying behind.

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The benefits of being ahead.

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Can’t forget them stoplosses, CT. See what happens?

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Don’t worry, they have a plan for a plan for a schedule. It’s coming.

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Reading between the lines in the Cryptosphere?

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No, sorry, crypto twitter is many things, but it’s NOT cute.

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It apparently requires some hard training, this is no joke, people.

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Look, it’s very simple. I want it to drop a lot so I can buy as much as possible, and then I want it to rise only – to the Mooooon!

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The Cryptoverse’s speed of adaptability is unprecedented.

Understanding this meme is key to your financial freedom#thistimeitsdifferent from r/Bitcoin

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No, seriously, it’s unsurpassed, the ability to get used to things. It borders masochism.

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And finally, here’s a tutorial on taxes for crypto traders. You’re welcome.